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I wanted to start a new thread but not sure how…. Here it is 2019 and it’s yet another day 3. The financial damage was not that bad “this time” but the psychological well that’s another story that only a chronic relapser will understand. I am bound and determined to stop starting over with my recovery. At the same time I am so scared because of my track record. I am scared because I have failed more times than I can *****. I am sick because I feel so alone. I have this site, a Counslor, recovery groups (that I drifted away from, going back to today) and several friends yet I feel alone because I want the people closest to me to somehow understand… I know things will get better with time. They always do. After things get better is what scares me. If I do not find away to remain abstinent from gambling eventually there will be no coming back. I am so sick of “being diffrent” I am sick of wanting what everyone around me seems to have “peace” “normal life” My God, I am 47 years old and have wasted so much of my life in the same cycle. Fall down, get up, clean up, fall down, get up, clean up. It’s getting old!! What is going to help me stay up this time??? I am more than willing to give up acess to money BUT it’s way too complicated. I have been giving my other 1/2 extra money here and there and he has almost 5000.00 of mine BUT in reality he should have more and or I should have less debt. I have a bigger check coming on the 15th and it will be safe , everything will be paid and I will give him more money but what about the check after and the check after. Ugggh I do not know what to do…. I sound like a broken record!! Please God give me strength, help me make start living the life you created me to live, let this be my last day 3.