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I am trying to just go on with my fake smile like everything is ok. The only person that knows is my gf and she wants me to go to in patient treatment. I can’t stop working and tell my work and everyone else it will literally kill me. I am looking back and not even sure why I did this. I know that gambling won’t help me. And then I do it and it takes over, like I don’t even remember spending that money it was like some weird blur.

At the time it’s like ohh what’s 4000 that’s nothing. Now I’m looking at the hard days I’ve had to put in to make that money and to try and cover it back. Like I know I make good money and can pay it off but I can’t get my head around how much I’ve set myself back.

I am going to start counselling soon to try and deal with my grieving. And obviously talk about all my other issues. Because deep down something deep down is stemming this.