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Another gamble free day over – I that makes it nearly three weeks although I never really can keep track.
I know I once got to eight months – that was my best but I think that could have been five years ago – earlier this year I got to five or six months – I know I relapsed in the summer but no idea when . I simply lose track of the days / months / years when I gamble.

Today I won’t lose track because I am gamble free . I know I have not gambled since payday at the end of November .

I hope I am here next November’ posting that I am still gamble free – tonight however I checked on my emails , which I Rarely do, and there were offers for casinos – almost immediately my brain started planning – I should have pushed those thoughts away immediately – luckily even if I wanted to gamble online now it would take a huge amount of effort to get around the many barriers I have put in place – but I know I still could gamble if I was determined enough.

I didn’t gamble and for that I am glad- I need to keep doing what I am doing – which is posting as often as I need to , exploring my own issues in my own way – however silly they may seem to others .

I have realised that there really is just me in this recovery – others may encourage , advise and sometimes just listen – but recovery is down to each of us and what is inside of us .
No matter how much support we have – recovery is won or lost inside of us .

Life may distract us from recovery – and that’s when gambling sneaks in – sometimes we need to be as strong for ourselves as we are for others .

Onwards and upwards !