#2906
nomore 56
Participant

Hi James, I think that all F&Fs have had encounters with anxiety, some more, some less. It goes with the addiction. The lies, the uncertainty, the not knowing what the cg is doing, when and where. Everything you describe in your recent posts sounds like your wife is gambling. Missing work is a huge red flag. I just want to list some things you can do to get some kind of a picture re what is going on. Remove her name from all joint accounts and credit cards. No checks, no nothing. Check both your credit reports to see if she got any credit cards you know nothing about. Or payday loans, personal loans, anything like that. Make sure that YOU pay all the bills, each and everyone of them. You might want to sign up for a credit monitoring service so that you know if something is going on behind your back. She should provide receipts for everything she buys with her debit card. Everything you are going through sounds so terribly familiar to me. I was completely oblivious to what my hb did to get his hands on money and I wish someone had told me what to do to protect myself. I live in a community property state and ended up filing for bankruptcy for debts I knew nothing about. You guys are financially secure at this time but make no mistake, the money has no face and no name on it and goes faster than you can count it. My hb gambled away about 250 K in 18 months. Not to mention the house, the cars and everything in between. I DO NOT want to scare you but personally I think that it provides some peace of mind to know that your money is protected and there can be no terrible surprises for you. The addiction caused me to have huge problems at work as well. I was never able to concentrate, left early, came in late, constantly worried and on the phone etc. Eventually it ruined everything for me. I just want to share my experience with me because it does not have to come to this for you. There is still time to turn the table. Your wife will get angry if you take control of the money because the addiction is furious with you for trying to take away its’ resources. That is white noise, try not to listen to it. Your baby deserves a functional parent and at this time this seems to be you more than your wife. Please don’t let me scare you, that is not my intention. I have been down this road for 25 years before my hb finally turned his life around in 2009. I would hate to see anyone else having to go through all the pain and the suffering. Take good care of yourself! 🙂