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This update has been a long time coming, it has been over three months since I posted and so much has happened. I seriously feel like my time here living and working with family has been hell. They have not treated me nicely and spoken about me behind my back and treated me like a child. It has been very painful and hard and of course, I am the one that always looks bad, they are never in the wrong. We both live different lifestyles and they have not been able to accept that. I have tried to adjust to how they do things because it is not my house but that still is not good enough. My sister in law has complained so much about me, which is ironic because I feel like a nanny because she barely lifts a finger at times. My friends back home have been really supportive and really upset with my treatment. I thought moving here would mend my relationship with my sibling but it made it everything worse. I really can’t not emphasise how painful it has been.

The past month has been a mad rollercoaster, I decided to cg and can’t even remember why. I know that I was stressing about moving back home and not having a job. I was intending to move back in May because I got accepted back into uni and wanted to settle in before the craziness of uni. Anyway, I ended up cging and I lost all my savings I was working months to save for. And it went downhill from there, long story short, I now have 5 cash advances, in that time my brother reduced my hours from full time to part time with just 2 days notice. It really was stressing me out and I was not happy that he did that with two days notice, not nice or professional. He made it out like it was something that was happening for me and the other employee, which was a lie. He can do what he wants but don’t lie about it. I am your sister, the other employee who is my sister in law, complained so much bout me that my brother decided to reduce my hours from 38 a week to 24. She still gets paid full-time hours even though she does not work full-time. She was not happy that he paid me more, that was an agreement though and a perk of moving all this way for him. And her continued passive aggressiveness has made me see her in a different way, she was my favourite person before moving in with her. And now I don’t trust or believe a word that comes out of her mouth. That is the kind of stuff that has been going on.. I have been under a lot of stress and now I owe lots of money that I can’t pay back and I am swimming deep in debt.

I move back home in 5 days and start a new job in exactly one week. In three months uni starts, studying full time and working part time. No idea how I am going to cope, not liking life at the moment. I feel so stupid for taking a risk and coming here. I really thought I could be an asset to the business, I didn’t like how we did things, nor did I get trained right. It just wasn’t my thing and my deceptive sis in law made sure she always looked good and I looked bad. I haven’t even told my parents or other siblings because he is the golden child and he can do no wrong. I also can’t trust them not to say anything to him, if they do, it will cause more of a rift. So I basically have to shut my mouth and take it. I know eventually my bro will turn this whole thing into a joke at my own expense.

I wish that I could shut my family out it would make my life so much easier. Being part of them is just a window to my past. And every moment I spend with them I am reminded of what isn’t right in my life.

Today I am 5 days clean, I am not smiling though I am too stressed and too upset right now at myself and at them. I really do try with them, or I like to think I do. But they keep telling me that I haven’t changed that, I am starting to think that it actually isn’t them who haven’t changed. Honestly I do not know how much more disappointment I can take. Something amazing needs to happen and it needs to happen soon.

Thanks for listening, just really hurt and sad deep down inside.