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#5919
chalsteve
Participant

So last night, we hit a new low – but that’s still probably not rock bottom.

For the past 10 days, my son has been living with his grandparents because we were not prepared to sustain him and his addiction anymore. Lets put this in perspective. Grandad is 86 and has dementia. He’s looked after by 78 year old Nan, who a few months back had run herself down so much in looking after him (Grandad) that she ended up in hospital with a major chest infection which required surgical intervention to drain fluid from the lungs. Two days ago, Grandad had a fall, which has put him in hospital.

Nan took my son in because she said she didn’t want him sleeping on the streets or in his car. He doesn’t have to. He’s got a job and a few mates left. But he went there and he immediately allowed her to run around after him. She became his new “facilitator” and there was an immediate deterioration in the relationship between my wife and her mum because of this. They have a very strong bond.

We had been round there, as a family, to try and talk to him about what he needed to do, which primarily involved getting him into a position where he got out into his own, self funded accommodation. Nan had her eyes opened at the way her grandson talked to his own Mum and Dad, and then when she asked a difficult question of her own, was on the brunt of that herself.

In the middle of the week, he disappeared for hours late at night. I saw the text message she sent at 2.30am asking where he was? He had a function to clear up after and was on his way, was the response. Add some more perspective. Grandad was at home at that time and wakes up at around 6/6.30am and needs to be cared for from then. If ever there was going to be a “guilty conscious moment for him when he finally put the needs of others ahead of himself, this would be it.

So last night, after we had visited Grandad in hospital, and had a vague message that he was out doing something entirely sensible, the alarms bells were ringing loud and clear. The same cycle of behaviour that he was throwing at his Grandparents was almost easier to spot than it was before.

So we drove past the pup he said he was at with his mate. No sign. With a heavy heart, I walked into the “arcade” zone in the town centre and was relieved to find him not in there. We headed for home, with one final check that we wanted to do. The casino. He was there with his mate. For the third time in three days with him. His mate, who I know and believe him, said that my son was not gambling, he was just sitting there watching. But he also said he wasn’t there the night that my son was out until well after 2.30am and my son, by then, had already said to us that that’s where he had been.

His mate was visibly shocked at the change in behaviour and the verbal abuse dished out by my son. “Sticks and stones can break my bones…..” etc but its hard to hear your son say his parents are a couple of c##ts in front of someone you know very well.

This is someone who was offered a place at GM, and turned it down because he says he can control it and cure it himself. I don’t know where we go from here, but he is now out of his Grandparents as well. Perhaps one or two good things will come out of this. His mate now knows the extent of his problem and there is no way that he will take him down to the casino again. Last night may even affect the way his mate himself actually views his own gambling levels.

I can see no end to this for my son. He has not got the slightest desire to do something about it and the levels of abuse are ratcheting up all the time. Of course, its OUR fault for coming out to look for him. Its OUR fault that because we found him where we did, his cushy number at Nan’s has just gone as well. Its OUR fault that his mate now knows some – still not all – of the levels that he has fallen to in the past.

No remorse, no guilt, not even the slightest “sorry” for the web of lies he had spun to his Nan who he spoke to on the phone to her. There’s still a long drop to the bottom.