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Despite writing here this morning and being so determined not to do it, I gambled today. I paid my bills and I still have a little money to get me through the next few weeks til the next dreaded payday, but only enough to scrape by.

I put blocks in place but they were not enough. I feel like such a failure, could last 24 hours after being paid. Pathetic. We are in exactly the same position Lauren – about £200 left in OD credit to see me til the end of June.

I want to hide away and sleep for the next few weeks. To exclude myself from all life. But I know I can’t, I have a boyfriend I adore and he deserves my weekends after working away every week. I must make the effort with him. I want to make the effort with him.

I also must go to work. I have bills to pay and unfortunately despite my hopes for a massive win today, they won’t pay themselves.

Starting over again. Again.

So disappointed in myself.