Gambling Therapy logo
nomore 56

Hi Michelle, this all sounds so familiar to me. It sounds like you have not really made up your mind yet what you want to happen. Your cg does what cgs do when the addiction is fully alive and well and nothing else seems to matter. I do believe he loves his daughter but gambling comes first, at least at the moment. I used to thrive during the days (later on only moments) when it looked like my hb finally was ready to do something about his gambling. Constantly on a roller coaster and the downfalls got steeper and steeper over time. There came a point when I came to a screeching halt and decided that enough was enough. I became very calm and made up my mind that I would take no more. The decision to remove him and his gambling from my life as much as I could, no matter what he would do was like lifting a burden from my shoulders. Even if he had not finally gone to inpatient treatment and started his true recovery, I would have never gone back to the everyday insanity.
Have you decided what you want from him? What are your boundaries, especially as far as your little girl is concerned? Children rather come from a broken home than live in one. I would not let your daughter observe, see or hear any of the arguments, whether about money or visitation. If he wants to see her, I would let him but not tell her beforehand. What comes out of his mouth is white noise. He might have the intention to spend time with his daughter but the addiction always gets in the way. So instead of hoping and wondering and getting all worked up and angry, maybe it would be better so just sit down and make some kind of a plan what you want your life to be like. Maybe set some boundaries and tell him if he wants to come at 2 he can have maybe 30 min to be late and then he is out of the picture for that day. Something along that line. You don’t depend on him financially which is a great, great advantage you have.
The longer and the more often he gets away with his behavior, the more he will try to manipulate you. If you quietly and calmly set some rules you are able to keep yourself, he will get the idea that he is on his own with his best friend, the addiction. I might just be rambling here and it is all my very personal opinion as an outsider who has been there for way too long. But only after my point of no return did I quit to call my hb, look at his mail, tried to find out where he was and when etc. And found piece of mind. Don’t ask me what it cost me to achieve it.
I wish you luck and hope your daughter grows up a happy girl. Have the cg-free vacation you two deserve so much.