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#49937
IRockVX
Participant

It was a great weekend. Went all weekend and through all of Sunday Night without looking at market prices.

The intensity of energy/focus I’m noticing flowing into my other activities … I’m noticing that I’m really enjoying cooking and making food/these other life activities over gambling.

This morning I ran through my qi gong exercises, read my quotes about risk, caught a glimpse at market prices and remind myself there’s nothing I need to do now. Those emotions of vengeance, not enough, “need” etc. are there in that checking/glancing — I can feel them. The “need” to do something just for the sake of doing it … the urge itself creates all forms of imagery metaphor logic … whatever the conscious brain could want to hear … to create some kind of picture where it’s “okay” to “just do it”. Well, it’s not. Actions have to be taken that make sense and actually have a guaranteed favorable outcome long term … the actions that have the odds lined up and stacked in my favor are the ones my consciousness belongs in harmony with … not randomness, not chance, not luck, not quick draw, not fun exciting sparkly wheels and numbers not any of that nonsense.

But they feel quieter now … the loud demanding voice of gambling is getting quieter, though it’s still a vicious mischievous beast to keep a watchful distance from. I can actively acknowledge my success as well as actively acknowledge that the monster wants to revise the weakening impulses to be frustrated, impatient, and feel a “need” to make a bet. There is no “need” for that … it isn’t even a want … it’s just an old biological distortion wrapped up in pure deceit to me from my perspective.

My appetite for what I really want and need keeps deepening (experiencing my emotions, nature, life, working on my independent businesses, social contact, writing, practicing music, making careful risk oriented decisions with what I do with my money…) and the artificial addictive appetite of the eternally empty black hole of gambling is weakening and closing up.

This is an invitation to stay connected, keep helping others while receiving the help in places like this. I know how no mercy addictions can become when you let up on them — so for me this is truly a life time commitment …. a forever commitment … to to use what resources and community I have to support the end of gambling and refusing the language of it’s distorted thoughts and urges.

Let’s keep going : )