#3672
nomore 56
Participant

Hi Ivy, your last post reminded me of the final countdown in my own journey on the slippery slope of dealing with my hb’s addiction. I, too, hid his relapses from the few people who knew that he is a cg. In my case, it was part embarrassment and part not wanting to hear “we told you it would not work out”. Looking back at it, I have to agree with Velvet. It is not your fault that he relapsed and the addiction loves secrecy. You might want to have a discussion with yourself. Try to find out, what it is you want and how far you are willing to go with this. Where is your point of no return? If you decide to leave, do you have a plan in place? IMHO relapse is different from the first encounter with the addiction. At least it was for me. I dealt with his gambling, his non-gambling in constant relapse mode and the last catastrophic relapse for over 20 yrs until there was nothing left of me. Nothing left of anything but chaos and insanity. I still remember the day when I told myself that it is enough. No matter what the consequences would be, I was not willing to play the charade one more day. So I sat him down and told him what my conditions were. He just knew I was serious for once. Went to inpatient treatment and is now in a true recovery for over 5 yrs. We are separated but it is all so much better now. Velvet said that HE should be the one to take action and I agree with that as well. How much support are you willing to give and how long? I also can’t help but think that he might ask for your support to put the ball partly in your court. So you think that you can actually do something to make him quit again. Kind of a silken chain to tie you to him just a bit longer. I might be wrong but learned to not trust anything my cg said. He lied when his lips were moving. I hope that this is not the case for you and hope you find a solution that gives you peace of mind because right now, YOU is all that matters.