Gambling Therapy logo
#49899
IRockVX
Participant

So it’s before bed … I’ve had a great day … hit my goals of transferring my impulse to waste my feelings of happiness on something bad into doing what i really wanted to with my time … i feel happy …

And in that happiness is again this shift and pull to do something that will bring it down before i go to sleep … it’s like celebration itself says “look life is great, why not make it ‘even better’ with a bet? What might you have missed out on while you haven’t been looking at the markets?”

And I know those emotions and thoughts are lying … talking in a sweet tone and so “harmless” … like a monster in my head with a sweet tone when it wants to lure me close …
how in the world does stuff like this even exist …

It’s like my own mind telling me it’s “against the rules” that i’m happy … that i haven’t been wasteful … it’s “cheating” to be happy and just enjoy my life …

Why in the world do I feel this way? Like I’m cheating by honestly enjoying myself and getting my things done … like it’s been “too good” for me … why does gambling talk like it’s the voice of “justice” to “level me out”?

It’s crazy … but i know those same triggers … “get revenge” “now’s your chance you’re strong” “you can get ’em back now” … they’re all a lie …

I can’t get that money back … not by doing what those voices say … not by following those feelings … beckoning me back inside the dark room while i breathe freely out of it now …

calling me “home” … those feelings of sadness and deep sorrow are back … hitting me full force right now … laying down feeling paralyzed … gambling presenting itself as the only “juice” that will allow me to move …

But I’m not paralyzed … I can move and still do things and get ready for bed … I can do all of this myself … I don’t need that “juice” … I have it inside me even though I feel heavy sadness right now … feeling like the whole world is slipping through my fingers …

So now i’m feeling the impulses … I can watch them … and I can take them as a cue to act positively and do constructive things and guard myself from risk … just like i did several hours earlier …

I can repeat just what I did and restore that happiness to get deeper still …

That’s what I’ll do now.