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Day 1 No Gambling. That is something. Been an up and down day. My brother has a house in the same area I live at but is living with my father at the moment. He had no time for me. I was looking forward to at least having some communication and a chat. Came away after 15 minutes feeling tense and angry.

All he went on about when I tried to explain some of my situation is make my home nice. Fill cupboards with food. Dont worry over Christmas you can enjoy it on your own ect ect. I could have screamed. A total lack of understanding. I am truly having to do this journey alone.
Someone in the chat yesterday spoke about giving my cards to a family member. Truth is I know no body that I can do this with. No one. I did not want to explain that in the chat and the relationship with my family has all but broken down. Apart from my father who is old and soon to go abroad to spend a month or so with his family.

But it is okay. My time will come I wont forget who was not here for me. People run fast when your on your way down. The same people who certainly benefited in years gone by and enjoyed the food the drinks the travel that were given at my expense. Its a hard lesson to learn. And a very humbling one.

One bit of good news I am getting my money through earlier so only have to go until Monday evening and I will be able to clear rent payments, and I hope BUY A FLIGHT TO DK! I have some food in and a tiny bit of money. I can swing this. One thing for sure the gambler can work out ways how to get out of and survive tough situations. We do it all the time when blowing our brains out at the casino or card table.

Only 2 possible ways next week could fall apart money wise:
1: I earn nothing more this whole weekend (still short on what I need but closing the gap) not so likely. Unless BT cut me off which they have said they did not.

2: I gamble. So expect me here lots in the coming days. I can NOT Gamble I would be totally screwed!

And finally off todays mini bucket list :
Casino XYZ request for self exclusion. No reply yet. They are vile like this and go slow on such things. But its okay as tomorrow I will shout loudly on a public gambling forum and shame them into banning me if they do not follow through on my request. I also told them I am highly unstable with money and cards and often charge back (I dont but it scares the shiiiiittt out of them) and usually gets me banned for life! All good stuff.

Spoke to Gamcare netline. Will be calling again tonight. There could be a support group somewhere close by they are gonna let me know.

Did not exclude from the bookies. Will do that tomorrow. And did not phone the council for the CTax. That I have to do Monday. So still here still fighting still prepared to give it my all.

Thanks all of you for your continued support it means the world!