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15 weeks and counting today! Not a bad effort for now I think. Been a busy day today. I’m sure some cosmic forces are at work when my boss goes away. It’s like, oh, he’s alone for two weeks? Best make sure everything breaks! I’ve been tackling the post mix dispenser all morning. Just about managed to fix it this afternoon. Saved a call out! 1-0 Adam. Touch wood I’ve not ballsed any of the orders up yet, so we’ve not run out of stock. 2-0. I’ve had the glass washer fixed. 3-0. I’ve let people being in loads of change to save me carrying it back from the bank. Problem is I’ve no notes left now. So I’ll have to skip the banking this week. 3-1. Damn it!
I thought these two weeks would be a decent way for me to get a bit more towards my savings with the wages and tips I’ll get over the course. But actually all it’s been so far is long hours filled with temptation. Yesterday was the first time in a long time I was moments away from breaking my run. I was convincing myself that since the bandits were my problem area, I could have a quick play on the card machine and still be on track. I could buy 100 cards for £100 and I’d probably love opening them all and counting the winners at the end who knows, maybe even get the £300 jackpot in there. Being here every day I can’t help but be aware of what’s going in and out of these machines and it makes me feel confident I could have a quick win. But I have to take a step back and think about my chances. My real chances. They’re not high at all. But either way the outcome will be the same. If I lose (which I will) I’ll put more in to try and win. If I win (which I won’t) I’ll still put more money in to try and win more. I had a chat with the guy who knows what I’ve done last night. He told me I should really tell my parents. He said if he was my dad and I told him, he’d respect me for it and help me through it. I know he’s probably right, but I still think I need to prove something to myself before I can burden others with what I did…

Maverick, just seen your post mate. Glad your back and getting into the groove of things again. Thanks as always for commenting. I of course listen and appreciate your input. But I guess this inner battle is the only way I know how to deal with things. I’m sure I’ll share my secrets with people one day. But to reiterate what I said earlier, I still feel I need to prove something to myself. I’ve always been a loner and I keep my emotions bottled up. That’s just who I am. When I’m ready to let people in I will. I’m not an expert at any of this. I’m just someone who fucked ip big style and is trying to get over it the only way he knows how.
Apology not accepted for the match! Worst display I’ve ever seen and I’m furious at the way the team gave Gerrard a send off. But in all seriousness there was only one team who wanted to win and they did it very well.