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I awake at 12.30and have a long bath. I feel ok, the despair and desolation of yesterday turning into a plan. I have idi to thank for that. We can really help each other on this forum. The colour on my hair is great, she did a good job and it actually shines now instead of the dull, flecked grey look. I appreciate this. God is good, I say to myself, look for the good.
It is a still and mild day, the sort I like and I journey down to penge high street and have the staple of the poor person, the cheeseburger from Macdonalds. No wonder the poor die young. I have enough to buy a soup, the chicken soup from Tesco’s. It’s great, not their own brand the chicken and vegetable cully and sully, it has sustained me physically and tastes sooooo good. Chicken soup for the soul.
I have a few realisations whilst I am walking and wait for the bus. The reason i have a big issue with GA is that it is an outdated patriarchal system and I come from a lineage of matriarchs. This patriarchal system is out of balance when it comes to women and when it comes to step 4, I see this as positively psychologically dangerous when it comes to women with low self esteem and assertiveness who throughout life have not stood up for themselves as well as they could. We have accepted too much crap,and maybe way too late in the day said enough!
I read Charles thread on GA being the higher power. I could never accept this in my world view. I do see lights around people in the rooms so I know God is present. I think steps 1 to 3 are fine, but nothing beyond for women. When I think of making reparation, there is only one person I have to make reparation to and that is me. I missed my daughters 30th but she missed my 60th, so we are quits. And I missed my mother’s 80th, she is now nearly 84, and I fessed upto her on that day. So,I do owe her but when she nearly died in hospital last yer bought her new nighties and everything she needed and visited twice a week even though it was 60 miles away by train. I still owe her a bit re birthday. It is only me to make repairs to, because it was an act of self destruction , my gambling, because my own self esteem was at rock bottom having a partner who left me the day I came out of hospital as if I was infectious. So,I reject a lot of the philosophy of GA. i generally see for every character defect the equal and opposite has been true in my life which can be demonstrated. It’s qualities to aim for are polarised opposites and I just do not see life and how we are as black and white as this. We are bit guilty of all of these sins all of the time. So, I am sorry but this is rubbish. I read idis thread today and I approve! I so get it.