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#51068
Austin123
Participant

I had a goo day yesterday..I managed to do a lot of work that I was falling behind with and fortunately my boss was not here. He is not here again today, but I have just discovered that he has given one of my project to my colleague, honestly he made it extremely difficult for me to get it started and I always felt like he was setting me up for failure. Now I know he will have a field day in months to come and even go extra length to make it easy for my colleague to complete the project. But in any case, I am ok with it and will thank him for taking it off my plate. Today I asked my wife to give me the bank card because I need to pay for my daughter class photos. She left it for me and later called to ask if I received the pin. I think she is trying to come around. But just holding that card in my hands reminded me of the casino. I know that if I have not self-excluded myself, somehow before this day is over i will be sitting on the tables. I am so grateful that I swallowed my pride and self-excluded. I do not have any trip outside my Province or country for the next few months so i feel safe. I also do soccer bets, but have avoided them since i took a decision to stop with casino…i know as a compulsive gambler i should stay away from all form of gambling, but i know deep down that i will put a soccer bet in the near future. I shoud’nt but i feel i am not read to give it up yet. That is me just being honest with myself. But as for black jack.. i dont ever want to put a bet on it because i am not able to stop the chase..i can play 24 hrs non-stop. I once lost R 90 000 in one night. My head was spinning for weeks. I am going through my days trying to focus on the now and as difiicult as it is, forget about my past and not think too much about the debts , but just do the best i can on the day. I have also being reading a lot of other peoples journals..some are very sad stories and God bless of of you. One day at a time.