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I’ve been lacking motivation these last few days but im still gamble free and to be honest I don’t see myself gambling any time soon, I’ve fallen out of love with it. I’ve come to realise that gambling is just the tip of the iceberg and I’ve just been using it as a way to forget about all my other problems. In a way losing is what I enjoyed because it hurt me so bad that’s all I could focus on, and losing was the only thing that made me feel anything. Even after a big win I wouldn’t feel much, i didn’t even care about the money and I still don’t, I could be a millionaire and I would still be unhappy. There is so much about my life I want to change, right now I’m just existing rather than living. The only time I have motivation to change is after a big loss, but it always seems to go away after a few days. Today my motivation has spiked again, and I didn’t even have to throw away all my money to make it happen so that’s defiantly a a positive. I’ve been making better choices everyday, sometimes it’s only a small thing but it’s still something. Just need to remember it’s a marathon not a sprint and you can’t just expect your life to turn around in one week. All I want out of life is to be happy, and that’s never going to happen if I just continue the way I was so I’m going to do it!

hope everyone’s doing good and staying safe x