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As I expected, urges are starting to hit. They come in the form of financial insecurities about the future and money worries. That’s when my mind starts to panick and starts to think how 20 can’t hurt but could certainly help. And how this time everything will be different. I expect them to peak tomorrow. Just as I’m about to give in, I will be feeling an irresistable sweetness in my mouth followed by a severe fall into dark thoughts and depression because I will be unable to gamble. Learning to handle that fall is my ticket out of the hell hole called gambling. As much as I dread the urges , I welcome them.

I need to review a few things for myself before tomorrow:
– 20 will not be enough.
– Because you know you must stop you won’t be able to, hence you will lose lots of money which you don’t have.
– guilt and gambling are intertwined, because you feel guilty about gambling, you won’t be able to let go of gambling.
– you’re not the only person with money issues, there are tons of non-gamblers with money issues.
– help yourself and God will help you in the long run.
– everything is going to be okay.
– go do something to occupy your mind
– shut yourself down for sleep
– one more day and you’re on day 15