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I’ve been taking a few days without thinking about my addiction-related problems, partly because I needed to work but also because I really needed it…

The last 2 weeks have been mentally exhausting and quite depressing to be fair. But that’s the price for a relapse… among other things. I worked hard on stabilizing my mental state, sorting out my finances, making a plan for recovery whilst juggling being in a relationship and studying in a demanding school.

While my relationship with my girlfriend is intact, in fact, it’s probably improved and made us closer, then I have a lot to catch up in regards to my studies. This fact is adding extra stress to my life and it’s sucking mental energy out of me. To be fair, my studies have always been a grind for me and something which took a big toll on me mentally. I think it’s because I have always been behind due to my addictions, which have led me to always trying to catch up with stuff and needing to self-study the prerequisites for the current subjects I’m actually signed up to. However, I see the light at the end of the tunnel now. Just one more stretch to go before I can end my minor and start my major after the summer. I’m desperate for a clean slate in regards to all aspects of my life. Obviously, my relapse is causing major complications to an already stressful position, but I’m determined to make it. I have to. God knows how many times I’ve been in these make and break situations, and I’m still here…

In this week I’ve accomplished big things and I’m happy for the progress I’m making. I’ve started this journal, i sorted out my finances, I came clean to my family, I’ve started going to GA meetings twice a week, and I can finally allocate some more energy to my school and rebuilding some good routines, which hopefully become habits eventually.

Anyway, enough rant for now…

One day at a time.