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Bad day. Couldn’t sleep just thinking about how I have ruined my life. Felt better yesterday but didn’t get anything done. Today I have tried to hurt myself again. Having suicidal thoughts. Spoken to MayTree Suicide retreat. Spoken to Samaritans. WHy did I do this? Has anyone else out there managed to get through this deep depression. This is more than the gambling. IN the last 32 days I have only gambled 1.5 hours but I am in a total shitstorm of my own making. If there is any advice out there of people who lost everything and rebuilt I need to hear it.

I love everyone out there but am very scared of what I might do.