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Well, day 19 gf but vacations are almost over so Ill soon be going to the city and be with my friends from work with whom Ill likely get wasted and have fun (i actually miss being with them) but hopefully will have the strength to say no to casino invitations. Payday is also coming so Ill have money to get by, which will also be a test to my ability to stay away from gambling. Ill pay everything first and put the rest of the money in a separate account.
nToday im staying at a house we have in the countryside, I had dinner with some “friends”, it was nice, some of them planned to stay over with me but as the weather tomorrow will be a bit shitty they went home, so Im alone. Its good to have this time to finish the book Im reading and to think about life. Tomorrow Ill walk and enjoy the day. Its weird, if they stayed id rather be alone, but because they left id rather be with them.
nI feel disconnected, i feel hurt by the way some people treat(ed) me and i still dont have the emotional intelligence to deal with it. Last month i was at a casino table and the dealer told me something like “what are people doing to you outside so that you gamble this way?” I laughed, but I guess he is right. I have so many issues to deal with. Thinks from the past, apologies that i owe and that im owed. One at a time, i have to solve them all, because as i read here, when one stops gambling the real causes that made one an addict hit hard.
nJust some thoughts. Ill now read and then sleep. Today I didnt gamble and tomorrow it will be another fight ill win!