Feeling, flat, disillusioned and ugly today.Mostly cos I know I have to do something to lose weight but have no motivation.
Just feel at a loose end. Don’t know why ?
I went back to Jan 2014 on my bank statements and added up ALL the money I’ve lost to gambling. The long statements with reams of gambling transactions starting with £100 the bigger and bigger amounts desperately trying to recoup. I could feel the desperation in those transactions. I refused to be beaten yet I could never beat the house. If only…….sooooo much. I couldn’t bear to go back any further. A year’s worth is enough to make me sick to the core. I could never have that again or get it back. Have to write it off. All is meaningless. Waste of time, money, life and opportunity. Reduces one to nothing. Such a waste and here I am, gamble free and still broke. Got a text from bank to deposit £140 to cover debit order or I’ll be charged £8. Couldn’t do anything about it. I have a £10 debit order on 10th too but haven’t got that either. Over my overdraft limit, too. Guess the only positive is, it hasn’t gone on gambling.
Filled up car and is only means of getting to GMA next week. Only have £4 in my purse. These long empty, skint, drawn out months are taking its toll on me. 4 days into the new month with not a dime to spare. 24 more days to go to payday. Becoming the story of my life…. with or without gambling.
Just hate it. Hate myself for getting into this. Just have to see that next year this time God willing I have paid up debts and a nest egg.
Just another day…..
