1:43am Monday morning… unable to fall asleep. I visited my mom on 29/12/2019 in the neighborhood i grew up . In 2016 i moved out with my family to rent in a apartment a few miles away from where i lived, due differences betwen my mom and lee my wife.
I met “child” a childhood friend we spoke ketchup on stuff and i told him abt the divorce. And i will be moving back to my house with mom. He was taken aback by the news. I told briefly abt my what happen didnt mention gambling i told i am recovery addict that brought abt the divorce. Child asked and what abt small man i told him he will be going to south africa with his mom since my mom is unable to take care of him while i am in work. I told him i am not fighting it. And i am agreeing to everything to what lee wants. Child has choosen to live a single lifestyle. Reason is unknown all he said was “he cyar with ppl problems”. I told him i cyar live like that with that i left.
I went over to Andys barber shop and got a mark. I told andy plans to move back by my mom and to begin a new home construction. He reply that renting is dead money and i reply i am getting a divorce. He asked abt what happening to my son i told him he is going to sa with his mom. He stated to choose a good contruction skilled man to do the home construction. I told him when everything is settle we will discuss further.
Now i am awake cant sleep with the reality of not being able to guide and correct my son behaviors and to develop better attitudes. Since lee and him do have alot of tension between themselves. One moment they are having fun together wrestling each other on the bed watching youtube videos and making snapchat photos and videos. While all that is happening i would leave them alone i dont be involved because i like my peace of mind. Suddenly an big arguement would start between them when i inquire to what is going on lee would said to me he is being disrespectful and when she tells him to go to his room he would start shouting: “i doh wanna see you ever again i am going kill myself” I spoke to my son a couple of times abt that type of behavior and he tells me he is stressed out. He is 7yrs old! I told my therapist abt this and she told me to bring him in for counseling. My nxt appointment date feb 06th 2020. I am faced a dilema. Should i fight for my son to stay with me or let him go to sa? To get a better life there? To learn a strange difficult language afkrican when he is still learning english? How would he cope being without me being there for him? Would lee pay more attention to him? Or simply create new tension. I will speak to my wife abt this and hear what type of methods will best be applied.
I take my son to the playpark to play cricket football and get some excerise as well. He eats alot like his mom. A bad habit. I talk abt it and it response i get is that is their bodies and not mines so back off!. I am eating healthy; less meat less flour more veggies peas salad cucumbers fruits and plenty of water. But this xmas i admit i had cheat meals. I gonna stick to eating healthy and focusing on self worth.
I taught him abt Proverbs 15:1. Explain to him that scripture verse. He was feeling upset abt it and i reassure him that i love him and i do care abt him. I am gonna set up a saving plan for him starting in jan 2020 for university or what ever he desires at his 18yrs. Gambling really messed up my life my wife throws the negative remarks abt getting money back frm the casinos and the women it have there. She would say these things in front of our son. Smh!
I lying in the bed with lee and after 9yrs of marriage i dont feel comfortable at all. Knowing the hurt and resentment cause by gambling addiction.
I am 25 days GF. I feel awesome despite the consequences faced in the coming days towards the 27/01/2020. Divorce hearing at the high court. I am deep in thoughts and i thought abt journaling all of it. I need to it helps me reflect. During in my teenage years I kept a journal to help myself. I wrote short stories and drew comics strip in 1997. It help my mind to be sane. Wow i did alot of editing on this. Thank you for taking the time out to read this. I do appreciate all who comment and follow my tread. Thank you so much. Lots of love.