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Day 4. Why do I feel so lost afraid and alone??? Maybe because it should be day 4040 , more like day 8040. The chaos of the psychological damage this addiction has caused is unbearable. At times I want to go to sleep and never wake up, other times I want to live to see what life will be like with no gambling…, what does God have in store for me in 2019? I am so inpatient. I just want this year to b over and to be able to say “I did it and life is Great!” I am taking off the gloves and letting my savior get in the ring… No more chasing money. If it’s money I need than it will chase me. The worry comes from saying and meaning all of this so many times before. What can I do diffrent to keep the desire not to gamble 30,60, 90 days from now. God…..I am begging you to show me.