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#38357
Monica1
Participant

Hi,all,
Got an apology from the poster who laid into the fact that i have no emotional support and that neither my ex or children care. This hurt me so much I was just blubbing most of the day. I had also started Step 1 on powerlessness and when I thought about what I had tried to do to stop, I realised that when I was away from home working as I had been for 17 months till October last year I never gambled. I was happy. All my issues Were at home as when I came home I would binge gamble. I knew this mentally but I really felt the emotions of it today. Not feeling like it all, i went and had the tests done that I should have had done three weeks ago.The bloods took much less time than expected, didn’t hurt a bit and someone had kindly left a book from my favourite crime writer to read whilst I was waiting. Went to see my gp without an appointment. Receptionist took one look at me and I got seen straight away. My GP was a little curt, I could see he was under pressure, but we did the depression checklist and I was off the scale but low for anxiety. He said to continue with GA, chase up counselling but no antidepressants as in danger of taking the lot. Gave me a month certificate. I felt like I was invisibly helped and supported today. I glanced in the mirror at the Gpsurgery and saw I had deep shadows and bags under my eyes. I just could not stop blubbing. My sponsor had warned me that stuff will come up when we start Step work. Vera, have you had experience of this? My sponsor texted to say he would not be at the meeting tonight and I also said I would not either as I was an emotional wreck. We are talking tomorrow. Do I have urges in response to all this emotional pain? No, I do not. I am not putting myself through this again, not for anything.