It’s been 6 days without gambling in a casino . That last day I even deleted all play casino games on my phone . The ones where real money isn’t really won . I found that i was ordering coins when the free coins ran out even when I didn’t have the money . I used to laugh with my husband when I first started playing those games ” who on earth would pay for that ? ” I did . Today I was looking at my baby girl , she just had her sweet sixteen , she isn’t always sweet but that’s another story , I remember taking her to the dentist about 3 mos ago and she was supposed to get dental work , but o couldn’t come up with the copay . Meanwhile I spent thousands of dollars in the casino feeding slots . I’m so ashamed . I don’t want to feel like this anymore . Is there any hope for me , I wonder . Will my family ever be able to look at me the same now that I’ve confessed my deepest transgressions . I was once a strong hard working mother who worked extra to keep her sons in college . I had my oldest in high school and two more shortly after , it seems I’ve always been looking to fill a void . But I was never a statistic , I finished school and went on to two college degrees , I wanted my kids to see hope in the face of adversity , now I feel like a big fat failure , now that they know … it’s hard to explain , so humbling . Like all the times I borrows money from my son for gambling , and now I don’t dare ask anyone for financial help even when I need it . Food is sparser , we have enough but not much , I won’t ask , I’m too embarrassed and worried they think I’m trying to get money for gambling . I don’t mind suffering right now I just don’t want my family to . I’m sorry I’m feeling sorry for myself right now , but it’s starting to sink in exactly how much I’ve done to threaten our stability .
