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#38423
Monica1
Participant

Hi all,
Lost my iPad settings hence not able to post. My pc blocks all gambling support and help but enAbles some gambling sites. How crazy is that? My son has just been round to fix my iPad. Well, still have the chest infection. All I have been able to manage is my 2 ga meetings a week. I got my 60 day pin yesterday. I have found the Step work very upsetting. Last night I left promptly. It was an experience strength and hope meeting. I found very little hope and strength in the speaker. All the talk was about history and being in action. Recovery was about 30 seconds. I said that I would have liked to hear more about recovery. I said in my therapy never to underestimate how desperate people are when they come to GA. With some of the older serving members it can seem like a boys club. I have to admit to not agreeing with some of the ethos and philosophy of GA whilst also seeing it still it as my route to complete Abstinence. When we did the promises and you say I think not to the promises of recovery with GA, I was quiet. What upsets me is that on day 61 things are still bad with me, have not improved and I am beginning to doubt. Whilst there may be some truth in the GA statement that pain equals growth I believe that too much focus on those things that bring us pain from our childhood, gambling etc can be a bottomless pit. I still find myself often to be an emotional wreck and I no longer want that for myself as it is too close to having a complete emotional breakdown. Today I decided that I have had enough of feeling like this. I rang my daughter who six weeks ago was considering jumping off Beachey Head. We are both Isolated, highly sensitive people and have no one to talk to. So I am going to visit in a week or sos time. We are going to try and help each other as we both feel similar for different reasons. My mum and sister both texted me to see how I am. I said no change as there isn’t physically. I still haven’t started the treatment for the helicobacter as it is a bit harsh but will brace up and do it soon. I am sad that things are no better for me. It does feel like god is absent at times. I guess everyone has felt like this sometimes.