Ok…so yesterday I didn’t do any spinning of online slots. …because I have no money left anyway. In a day or two they will text me with free credits ….They always do…. .to lure me back in. ….what will happen then I wonder. ….still haven’t managed to close that one account….it’s the one I blew all my wages for the month on. I’ve already had a text every day since offering me deposit match bonuses. ….generally if I ignore them (through lack of funds usually) ….They will give me free credits.
I went round Mr On/Off’s house last night and he fed me. …Thank God. …I was starving.
We had more discussions and although I heavily hinted that I needed a financial controller. …He didn’t offer and I didn’t ask outright.
My house is due to be repossessed in a week or so. . What he did say last night was he’d pay my arrears directly. …if I give him the details today. ….as he will not be putting money in my bank account. ….can see where he’s coming from. I already blew a thousand pounds of his the last time.
Of course. …what will happen is they’ll probably say that the payments must be made from a card registered to this address…like they did the last time. And I’ll be back to square one.
I am glad I told him though. …I’ve always come across as a funny independent successful person. …standing in front of him last night I felt like a vulnerable child. This he could see….and made him quite protective. …a side to himI have either never seen or just been blind to, as my thoughts always went to my losses or how soon I could get rid of him so I could retreat into my world of slots and try to win it back. …which did happen. … but I never withdrew.
Anyway. …..I came back to my house early this morning. There’s a pile of bills (unopened) which I cannot begin to even look at. ..
I looked around and realised that the house is almost empty anyway. …I’ve sold everything of any value.
And I mean everything.
And still I’m thinking. …if there was money in my account right now. …would I be here writing this. ..or doing the usual.
I fear I’d be doing the usual. …With scant regard for the mess I’m in.
However. .. I’m so glad I can come here and at least spew out a few feelings and thoughts that other people can identify with.