Like you I have been wondering where everybody is. I know it is more difficult to write after some time without having someone to respond to or something to say.
I don’t find your thinking irrational or even laced with self-pity; I think that many of us will have wanted to be sick enough for a spark of attention that could lead to hope that our loved one cared more for us than their addiction. The CG’s addiction will normally override the non-CG’s feelings when they are coping with illness, birth, death, or any other hiccoughs in life when the non-CG cries out for support. The gamble is usually the CG’s way to cope with such cries. Your husband reacted well.
I believe, therefore, that your CG did show true concern for you and I hope you are over your pneumonia.
I am not sure that things like this happen for a reason but I do see opportunity in your illness and his accident. It has given you both precious time to talk and time for his mind to think of other things apart from his addiction. Nobody knows when true recoveries start but start they do.
I shall look forward to hearing about your first counselling meeting and I hope the counsellor is just right for both of you.
Your comment about the rumbling underneath the surface has struck me many times over the years. I remember being told in Gamanon that alcoholics fall over, drug addict’s eyes reflect their addiction but you can pass a CG in the street and never know – likewise you can never know if people you associate with are carrying heavy burdens too. I suspect there are many heads shaken every minute of every day.
It was so good to see your post. It is so good to hear positive rumblings in your post.