#1412
velvet
Moderator

Dear B
Complaining is fine – holding things in is what makes problems seem insurmountable.
I have been thinking a lot recently about recovery and the whys and wherefores of the problems attached to it. The non-CG wants nothing more than that their loved one controls his/her addiction – they know what the addiction has done to them so surely if the addiction is controlled life should be perfect – but is this a fair assumption?
None of us are one dimensional, we are all individuals and vastly different. When a CG controls his/her addiction the despair, confusion and pain of the addiction can be resolved but there is so much more to a person than just their addiction – they can still be confused and despairing about life, they can still be reticent, pessimistic, jealous, lacking in confidence, over sensitive. It is understandable that even with massive change it is unlikely that everything will drop into place and be perfect; a relationship cannot be guaranteed to succeed.
Your husband had a difficult time growing up and has reasons in his life to be confused and despairing. In rehab he learned to control his addiction but unfortunately he does not seem to have dealt with, or been encouraged to deal with the rest of him.
I have missed you B especially knowing that you have many issues unresolved. I am concerned for you – it would be good to ‘chat’ again in the privacy of a group.
V