Dear Caroline
When all those around you are losing their heads it is hard to keep yours on – but you are doing really well.
Your in-laws, in my opinion, are not doing the best things for their son; it seems they believe that as long as they keep him clothed and with money in his pocket they will save him. You know that they have to let him go to save him and that is not what society believes is natural.
In ignoring what society says and dealing with what you know, you are, in my opinion, doing all the right things – you have your escape route planned if necessity calls for it but you are also ensuring that when and if you do act, it will be the right thing for you and your children.
Knowing that your in-laws are not doing what is right for their son will hopefully give you the strength to do what you feel is right when the time comes, without consulting them. I do hope your friend is a true friend indeed because I believe you need someone there beside you who is clear headed and has no axe to grind apart from caring about you.
Our minds easily switch to thinking about the bad things in our lives and as a result we forget to do the good things for ourselves. In the midst of all the sitting and thinking though you have remembered that you matter. Looking after oneself in the middle of an addiction to gamble is very difficult – it is the best way to recover but nothing about this addiction is easy.
The way to live without the addiction to gamble in your life is to remove yourself from its centre. This can be done physically and/or mentally. Your escape route will remove you physically but you don’t feel quite ready for that yet and it is important that you do things when ‘you’ feel ready and not because someone else has told you to do it. Removing yourself mentally is hard but it is possible in varying degrees. Your partner is gripped by his addiction and he has ensnared you with it but it isn’t ‘your’ addiction – you are not in his bubble, your mind is your own – it has sapped your strength but believe me you are strong or you would not have written such a strong post.
Writing your post made you feel better – you were doing something to free your mind and you succeeded. That is how we get recovery. You are gaining strength; you are learning how to do that which you want to do – to break free from an addiction. Worriedmama and I are both staunch believers in Gamanon being a good place to get support – it is so good to sit with those who understand – where people listen without judgement and without overreacting, the sharing helps.
Keep posting Caroline – there is always someone listening who wants to help you feel a little better.
Velvet
