Hello, here is no question of the malice you have suffered from your ex cg. It is a miracle that you are functioning, and are surviving as well as you are, please do not give up this far along in your recovery.
You are a SURVIVOR in the highest form, don’t let others tell you otherwise, just keeping doing for you. The worst is behind you, unfortunately you will continue to deal with the aftermath of you ex cg until it stops. However, take refuge in knowing it will end.
I can only comment about a cg in denial like your ex, not the ones on this site or any other seeking recovery, the ones in denial are the majority of the cg in the world. Never admitting to their gambling problem or the havoc they are causing their families, as you know my father is one of them.
I do believe a cg in denial, when pushed by the addiction to get money, enablement, will without question engage in malicious behavior, becoming dangerous to be around, with their threats and aggression.
I am sure there are women who have not only been verbally abused by their cg which we read countless times here, but have been physically abused. My father held his hand up to me when he didn’t like what I said; he knew I wasn’t going to give in, this was enough for me to be scared and to believe he had it in him to strike me. Many may say but he didn’t, but I was holding my daughter, so who knows. He may have if it was just me. It is a blessing that you are out of the marriage.
The good news is time does heal all wounds. When I accepted the wrongs that were done to me, which I will admit took awhile. I was on my way to a better life. In the process I forgave myself, often times blaming myself for not seeing what was really happening.
This is your time to create your new life, don’t try to correct the system anymore, it is truly futile, the lack of support for families of cg is truly a cry, or waste too much time dwelling in the injustices of the gambling system. You want out of that life, you should tell yourself I don’t want to be connected to anything that is linked to gambling. Honestly I avoid it like the plague. I limit my time here, I am done with my recovery, but when I read about someone struggling like you, it hits home.
Just remember you are never alone, you have your daughters to be thankful for and God, aka your higher power. At the end of my recovery when I was dealing with the craziness of my father, the law, his obvious demise I let it go. I let God handle it. Just believe your break is not too far away, because you keep on chipping away.