#2204
velvet
Moderator

Dear Ell
In my opinion having read your post I don’t think you need to worry about forgiveness – you are together with love, your daughter is doing well and your husband is gamble-free.
Have you ever had a pain that bothered you for ages and then one day you realised the pain was no longer there but you couldn’t actually say when it left you – I believe forgiveness is like that, it slowly grows within you until one day the realisation comes that things have truly changed. You are strong and independent Ell and I think you are struggling to accept that the man you chose to love and to be the father of your child, could not have known on some level that he was hurting you and your daughter and that he knew that what he was doing was wrong. I accept that I will never make sense of what happened to me but I firmly believe that nobody would ever choose addiction over freedom – it is for this reason, above all others, that convinces me that a CG who changes his/her life deserves forgiveness for actions carried out when in ignorance of the capability of the addiction that engulfed them – through no fault of their own – but I also believe that forgiveness after an experience such as yours must take time.
I can’t say to you ‘ you must forgive him Ell’ because if you are not ready to do so then such words are futile but I believe that if you continue as you are doing then forgiveness will come. When I told my CG that I had forgiven him he said that he had not asked me for it and I replied that it was my choice to give it. When it comes Ell I know you will tell your husband but until then don’t let its absence spoil the wonderful life you are having together.
I know you will understand when I say I have missed you and yet I am glad you are not here. I hear in the news all the problems your lovely country and people have had to endure and I pray for a better future for Greece and for the refugees. Every mention of Greece however always brings me a fond reminder of a very special Greek girl called Ell whom I am so pleased to have heard from again. It is such a joy to hear that your husband has truly embraced recovery and loves his Ell because I know how much she deserves it.
I know one day I will hear from you again but until then I send my best wishes to you, your husband, your daughter, your mother and your brother.
Όπως πάντα – με αγάπη
Velvet