Dear Ell
I wrote you a long post and then I I didn’t post it but I am glad that I did not. You have written again and you have made your leap of faith. You had been afraid to look past the shadow and now you have. We can’t make the shadows disappear but we can look for the light and you have.
Look at the difference those three little words have made Ell and imagine how much more joy will come as you both say them again and again.
Forgetfulness, not in the sense of repressed memory but in the sense of deliberately refusing to allow the past to ruin your life, is a perfectly respectable and often efficient way of achieving mental equilibrium.
I believe that those who love active CGs do not think further than the day they stop gambling, indeed, I was told, by a counsellor when my CG went into recovery that I did not need support anymore. Personally I believe you need immense support in the early days until a balance is reached and that is where you are.
This support is vastly different to the support an F&F member ***** when living with an active CG , when looking for the light often leads to denial of the addiction – you are 100% aware Ell. Your husband has been living gamble-free and what is more his behaviour has been that of a loving husband and in my opinion he deserves to be loved.
Will next year be better? Oh I think so and I will look forward to hearing how you both a progressing.
Let go of the fear of failure. Whenever you feel anxious stop what you are doing and slowly bring your hand to your heart area. Let it rest there gently for two breaths; notice how you begin to feel more confident. You can, of course, always write on our new forum which is having a few problems but is still, at the core, the same caring place to be.
Fantastic post Ell
V