I don’t feel that you are condeming your wife at all, more so just the behaviour that we know frequently goes hand in hand with this addiction.
Whether we love a partner, a son, a friend or a daughter or uncle Jack up the road with this addiction unmanaged, we know that the illness is progressive. I would imagine this to mean – it gets worse not better.
Many of us here talk about our need and terrible decision to have to become estranged from the person we love. Not truly meaning them as a person but the grips of their addiction which go hand in hand. We recognise that we go down with that ship if we stay.
Perhaps some compulsive gamblers do have a line they will not cross, perhaps they don’t. Perhaps the illness hasn’t progressed enough yet.
Perhaps someone has been standing in the way minimising harm to their child which would no longer be a barrier when they leave.
Perhaps all sorts of things !
The truth is, none of us actually know what the true capabilities of the addiction are in your wife’s case or indeed any other.
If as adults we make the decision that we need to be estranged from the addiction because of the damage it does to us and the consequences of staying within a destructive relaitionship and all that goes with that. Then how can we do a complete turn around and say that it may be ok for a very young child, with no knowledge and no understanding or influence over their own welfare and safety to do the same thing that we feel the need to get away from. That to me is double standards and very risky.
I think you need to go with what you feel is right. Nothing is set in stone, visits can be supervised, things can progress as recovery progresses.
Jenny