I think maybe a good place to start feeling better is to stop being scared that if your husband changed you would not love him anymore. I wonder if you are feeling that this could work the other way round too if you changed. I was going to paraphrase from the following but feel it is good to read in its entirety.
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry: two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.
Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds – but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only; one day – TODAY. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful eternities – yesterday and tomorrow – that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad – it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME.
I have now seen San’s terrific reply in which I can see my old self too so I am going to leave it there and wait for you to write again. When you are down Madge it seems that life throws more and more adversity at you, the ground feels like it has opened up and swallowed you, everything is dark and there is no way out. You are so important Madge, I know it, San knows it, Monique knows it but the knowledge seems to be passing you by. Grasp that truth and look after the important person who is the one person you can change and that is you.