Dear Mamyth
It might be weird but I do understand what you mean. He sounds as though he has lost his way completely and doesn’t know what to do.
A CG doesn’t have to be arrested or end up on the street to hit rock bottom, it is rather a state of mind – a point where a person’s life has become completely unacceptable in its present form and hopefully there is then an overwhelming realisation that change is needed. Why a light bulb should go off at one time more than another I have no idea.
My CG became totally estranged from me and spiralled down into an abyss that held no hope – he no longer wanted to be the person he had become. I don’t know why on a certain day at a certain time he decided enough was enough but it happened. He had made a couple of phone calls to me out of the blue – I remember him still passionately denying he was gambling and I remember telling him that I had heard of a place called Gordon House which is the rehab for CGs in the UK. Two and a half hours later he called again and asked if the application form could be faxed to my home. We have never discussed this moment but I now understand a little of where his mind had got to – he hated who he was and he didn’t know what to do about it. This experience convinced me that it is important to tell a CG where support can be found when they are ready because nobody, including them, knows when that time will be.
I do hope you rebuild your life even though he is not physically in it – standing still will not do you any good and it won’t help you husband. I think your simple text message is great. Personally I wouldn’t tell him what was happening in my life because he has decided he doesn’t want to be part of it but I cannot judge whether my way would be any better than yours.
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