Dear Neecy

My partner went through GH (twice) the second time was when we were together and I had accrued a little insight by then. I can only say to you that we had contact all the way through and I wish we had not – with the benefit of hindsight ! It serves as nothing more than a distraction to what he is there to do and what you are here to do.
He cannot deal with his self and his emotions, that is why he is there, he can’t cope with him so how is he supposed to cope with you and your emotions and while you are worrying about him and what the future may hold for you both, then you are not looking after you.

As you have found out, the fact that he is in rehab does not mean that you are protected from recieving ‘the blame’ the nastiness and are now immune to manipulation. Far from it. If he could not give you the brunt of it he may have to be talking to people who will handle these types of feelings in the way they should be handled. In my experience of GH they do not allow people to dump the responsibility of their own lives at the doors of someone else. Without the avenue of contact with you he will at some stage have to look at himself. If anything contact is a hinderance in many ways to recovery.

Who knows whether he meant what he said or not. I would imagine he doesn’t know as yet what he wants and if he does then that could change several times over, depending on what he’s doing and where he’s at. Change is a lot of things but one thing is certain – it is unpredictable.

Rehab is no cure it is hopefully a beginning of the next chapter in his life and in yours whether it be separate or together. It is a time for you as well as for him and in order for this time to be productive do you really want to be sitting there thinking.
What’s he talking about today
Should I ring should I not
why hasn’t he rang me – he doesn’t care
How many egg shells shall i run about on today !!

Now I think the only thing that I would want to know if this time happened to me again would be – Is he still there ?

He cared enough to make that leap Denise, hopefully he has put his life in the hands of the staff at GH and I can think of no better place for him to be right now. Let them do their job, let him deal with him.
Now you !! This is your time to think about you and your future you have found this forum and I hope you make full use of it for as long as you feel you need to.
Here is the place to let off steam, push things, thoughts feelings and ideas around just as he will be doing or just scream when all else seems to be descending around your ear holes – I have many times and I am still standing !!

Jenny x