Dear Sade,

The hardest thing to do in the beginning is to stop focusing on your cg (what he’s doing, what his mood is, how he is behaving) and start focusing on YOU. Once you understand the importance of doing that, things will begin to get better. I’m really only repeating what everyone else has told you in some form, but that’s what it took for me before it finally started sinking in. You must learn what it means for you to take care of yourself and to not allow the addiction in your life.

For me that meant protecting my finances, not “expecting” or “needing” anything from my cg, not paying his gambling debts knowing his creditors would be hounding him daily, and, among other things, but especially – coming to this site every day sometimes for support and guidance.

You will come to realize that you cannot change your compulsive gambler and there is no “dealing” with him when he’s in the throes of his addiction. You can only change yourself.

Vera has given you some valuable insight and advice from a cg’s point of view. And, as the child of a cg, Twilight has experienced that pain and damage and speaks only with the deepest care and concern for your children.

The rest of us have been where you are right now, each with different circumstances, different stories, but we all understand the hell you are going through.

Keep coming here for support Sade, and learn what you need to do to take care of yourself – this is where you will begin to find some well deserved peace.