Dear San

I hope you have the most wonderful weekend doing San-things that gave you pleasure.

Knowing you can cope when you are strong is an important message for you to understand. I think it must be true of us all that we cope better when we are feeling strong.

It is the weaker times that you need to protect against and you now understand better when those are. Your health obviously has a large part to play and I wonder if maybe your partner could be the lead person at these times, he will know when they are. ‘Your mother is not well enough to cope at the moment’ could be the type of reply your son requires.

I think sometimes we can be weak when we feel good too – maybe more likely to give way because our lives are on an even keel and we want to share the feeling. This is a dangerous area and I think the time to give yourself a stern reminder of what happened before. Because you feel good does not mean that giving into his demands will make him feel better – he will give an instant cry of thanks and then use your kindness to hurt himself further.

His cycle will continue until he either cannot sustain his addiction or he opens his eyes and seeks support. Your cycle on the other hand is not madly freewheeling as it did and that is great. Once it slows down enough you can get off even though you will not forget he is your son.

Hope to speak soon