#1631
jenny46
Participant

I think the whole concept of enablement is huge, where does it start where does it end. It is interesting that many of us have had the same stunts thrown in our direction and fell for them time and time again, we worried for what turns out to be false reasons, I know I have had the police out twice when I worried that my partner was suicidal even though I knew it was a ploy deep down.

I remember San being estranged from my partner for a few months and worrying about starvation etc only to find that when I actually saw him he was actually quite fat. Unsurprisingly he had been living with another woman/enabler again, my worries were unfounded. My worries were generated by him San and my insight into the life that I though he was living they were not actually reality.

I have to say though, as sad as it may have made you feel the toilet paper incident gave me a giggle. ‘Let he with smarting arse consider the benefits of his gambling !’ Don’t believe a word of it. The more discomfort he creates for himself, the nearer the time comes when he may just want to choose a better way of living.

Unfortunately I believe that in all the elaborate lies the focus is only one thing. The next gamble is the only thought. The money is the tool and how it is gained is pretty much irrelevant. You and the pain you feel, the dilemmas you face, the trouble that’s caused does not figure in the equation. At that moment in time nothing else matters (or so i’ve been told)

Who knows why a CG gambles, the concept of escapism springs to mind and by the sheer nature of the word used in the wrong place or the right place along with many other words can have a habit of dumping responsibilty. It may be a coping mechanism that he has learnt along the way, it may be all sorts of things but it does not take away the choice that he has to gamble or not. It does not take away his choice to get help or not …………

It is good that you have thought about you in response to his visit if it does take place. I think the quietness with how you intend it to be will speak volumes to your son, you will be sending out a message that you are in control of you – tough for a hungry addiction to take. Actions speak a lot louder than words.

I hope your health is stable and your time with your son is peaceful. Keep your eye on those toilet rolls and find the time to enjoy yourself.

Jenny