Dear Shelly

Any gamble to a compulsive gambler feeds their addiction – it doesn’t matter if it is one scratch card or a million pound bet on the poker table the effect on the mind is the same – the addiction is being kept alive. Compulsive gambling has nothing to do with money it is all about the gamble and the excitement in engenders.

I have yet to meet a CG who controls their addiction without support and I suspect your husband is putting off facing his demons and hoping you don’t notice. Active CGs often lull the non-CG into a false sense of security so that they can carry on with their addiction unabated.

Unfortunately promises from active CGs are rarely reliable but are often the means to gain time.

Is his mother aware of your concerns? Does he have to go on this vacation with her? As he is not making any positive moves towards seeking recovery this vacation does not seem to be a good idea at all. If he testing himself to see whether he is a CG by staying with a person with gambling problem then he is not accepting he is a CG.

Perhaps you could print of the Gamblers Anonymous Twenty Questions for him. You will find them in http://www.gamblersanonymous.org It is good for a CG to realise that they are not alone and they can benefit from reading these questions and recognising the damage they are doing to themselves and their loved ones. Perhaps you could tick the yes answers too so that he can see how much he is affecting you.

Keep posting Shelly. Knowledge of the addiction will help you cope