Dear Velvet –
I have given my son the 20 questions – and asked him to take the test and think about the answers. I don’t know if he has done them, but I left it at that and tried to do it with no pressure.
I also downloaded some self exclusion forms for the 2 casinos he goes to. I know he hasn’t done anything with them – but I also suspect he has not been to the casino in a week – maybe that’s because he has no money – maybe its because he’s trying – I don’t know.
I booked him a session with a counselor – and he went, and afterwards he said he would go again. So hopefully this will have an impact – and the very fact that he went I take as a good sign. My husband is more pessimistic and feels maybe he only went as he knew it was what I wanted him to do.
My son is 20. He has a half brother in our family unit who is 17, and two half brothers in his biological fathers family unit who are 12 and 10. He has not seen his biological father for a number of months and probably only twice a year for the past few years.
There was a contact court order in place until my son was 16 – and after that I don’t think his father made much of an effort to keep up regular contact or develop the relationship.
he has certainly not made the effort to visit my son – leaving it up to my son to make the effort and visit him.
I have no contact at all with him, as he has proved unpleasant and on a number of times violent with me and my husband, though to my knowledge not with my son. So currently, no he is not supportive – or even aware.
My parents were over this week visiting. My father has done some repair work on my sons car, and has spoken to my son telling him he is aware of the habit, and how much it is hurting and affecting my mother and myself and how he should pull himself together etc.
I’m not sure if this will help or not -my philosophy is if you tell someone often enough they are worthless – then that’s how they end up feeling.
I would have preferred him to tell him he’s worth more than he thinks. But if its true that CG’s don’t hear what you say to them then they wont hear the bad comments along with any good ones will they ?
But my Dad cares for him and in his own way is trying to help.
I am being positive this week – I take comfort that my son has attempted counseling – hopefully this will continue, and that he appears not to have been to the casino.
The test will come on Friday – if he can resist drawing out his money all in one go and blowing it.
I am not sure I will be able to not help my son with his bills in the future – but I am learning its probably best in the long run for all concerned if I don’t.
Thank you again for your support.