Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family Giving up Death or crime or? Not too many choices (or so it seems)


I’m so tired. I found my way back here and actually remembered password and everything to get on here. I read posts from other people who are just discovering the problem and trying to figure out what they CAN do and what “works” for them, from those “choices”.

I suppose the one bright spot in life is that overall, my young adult daughters are doing well. My youngest (now nearly 23) had her credit ruined, but she texted me last evening that she has disputed the charges ($12k) and they are removed. I haven’t yet had a chance to check with her is this is permanent removal OR just temporary, as the dispute is “active”.

My “situation” at present:

I can’t legally drive. I got a ticket shortly after I was evicted from the house and could not go to court. I learned from on-line records that the post office returned the mail sent to me from the court (despite having a forward order with the post office that was confirmed). I got the ticket for a dragging tail pipe (which I had to keep tying up) and for having no “proof” of insurance (which I had insurance in force at all times). And actually, CG had the insurance forwarded to the nurse’s house, even though he was no longer on the policy. I was finally able to find all the paperwork I needed, have gas money to get to the court and went over there. I was “thrown out” under the threat of being arrested if I didn’t leave, when I tried to explain/ask for hearing. They told me I can “deal with the collection agency”.

I had my bank account seized twice, unlawfully. I have disability income – from PTSD, which started as a result of brother-in-law hiding in our house and snatching my daughters, when they were five and six (1998). It took HOURS of research to get INFORMATION as to how this is “possible”. Turns out that (my disability was deposited to savings) when I transferred money from savings to checking account, it became vulnerable to seizure, as U.S. banks are only “required” to research/report on ONE account. So I ended up having to close savings account.

I researched into bankruptcy; it costs about $399 JUST to file the papers. I don’t want to file for bankruptcy, BUT if I get a job that pays over $150 a month or so, I will just be subject to garnishment/seizure again. There is nothing like the feeling of having no gas in the car and all of a sudden, having absolutely no money available when you should.

I am also only quoting the amount of filing fees; I am not even sure if the original creditors are the creditors I would have to file or if I would need to discover who owns the “notes” (ie credit agencies that buys them from original creditors). SO that would be more hours of research.

I have (now) effectively worked the last 20 years or so for less than nothing and am forced to start over again (if ever that day comes). In order to start over, I am going to be forced to throw more money that I don’t have at the government that is benefiting from all the gambling and refusing to listen to or investigate what family members have to say.

Last summer, I ended up having to go to emergency room twice, for dental infections. The second time, I asked to speak with social worker, who gave me list of useless “resources” for dental care. However, more research and I trotted back to hospital social work department as I learned of dentists who will treat for community service, etc. Is hard for me to believe FIRST worker knew nothing and if I did not persist … well, I ended up having to have about 9 teeth taken out. I was supposed to get the rest cleaned etc, but was running about 10 minutes late, and they discharged me. Is my fault, although honestly, I don’t even know what day it is half the time. My sleep is all screwed up, concentration sucks and it nearly kills me that if this was happening to someone else, I could help them. But anyway, I am getting pain again. I don’t qualify for any of the medicaid services for the poor; being responsible means even my disability income puts me above the “poverty level” used for services, though it doesn’t allow for things like getting hair cut, eye exams and stuff …

In November, the lease for this place was up. My daughter moved out, so I tried to rent a less expensive place. There was a vacancy in a rental of the lady who had previously rented to my daughter and I met with her (again; I had previously gone with my daughter and explained about the dings to her credit). I had to pull the copy of my credit and so on … she left me a message that the “numbers just don’t work” for her. She didn’t reply to an e-mail in which I tried to find out what “might” work (make it possible). So, for the last seven months, I have been paying the rent – an extra $140 monthly – here and trying to figure out HOW I might be able to do something differently when the lease is again up. Have to say, on one hand, I was actually relieved with the “no” as the thought of having to go through moving again … is daunting … another reminder of gad awfully tired I am, to the bone. And ha ha … I CAN’T rent a truck to move anything large …

About the time I tried to move, I went to Salvation Army and met with a case worker. I’ve tried to explain to people about the PTSD and how it affects my concentration, etc … and that it would be a great help if I can find someone to help me keep this situations straight, maybe spend some time looking for resources or information etc I might not be aware of. I ended up e-mailing her per our agreement; she never responded. Pretty crushing to lay out some of these things for nothing.

They are going to open a casino here soon, a tribal one. All one hears about are the “community benefits”. I contacted a man who heads up an opposing group and e-mailed him, last September or so. He had a former CG slated to speak at one of their meetings, so I thought there might be some interest in how family members are affected. He did write back initially, but a second e-mail after I learned of my driver’s license suspension etc went unanswered.

I still get cans, etc, but it merely “gets me through” the month; nothing extra and nothing to write home about … it provides me some extra money that I DON’T have to worry about getting seized/taken away from me. If it wasn’t so labor intensive, I might have some time and peace of mind to do the research and other stuff to climb out of the hole that I didn’t dig.

It’s really hard, as I can’t help but THINK … and I have nothing interesting or consuming to focus my mental efforts towards; I am “above average” intelligence, so I spend a lot of time either outraged or “in (emotional) shock”, neither of which is productive, but can’t be willed away. I can’t help but think … how if I was in jail or prison (and I am in a “virtual” prison), I would get dental care. I didn’t even go to the emergency room until the antibiotics I was taking weren’t working at all and I couldn’t take the pain anymore. How prisoners could not be subjected to some of the “cruel and unusual” crap I have to take as a matter of course.

I can’t help but wonder, sometimes, if my daughters would be doing as well if I had left and looked after my finances. Since the CG threatened me AND since I had been subjected to legal threats by his attorney, etc, I don’t doubt that he could still have screwed things up to an extent, but I am pretty sure the financial damages couldn’t have gotten this bad. However, I know for fact that my children were brought up being told that I “deserted” them , that I was going to kill them, etc, etc (plus that I have paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar, neither of which I have or ever did). When I CAME BACK, it was FOR THEM. I had thought, previously, that the “state” might not know who was telling the truth, etc. When It became obvious to me that he was abusive to them, as well as to me, and that it was NOT just a matter or “me being crazy” (as I had feared, and had actually left to spare them if that was the case), I took action, even though it landed me in jail briefly and so on. I still THINK and BELIEVE that I did the right thing; I believe that even though I “look like a failure” that my children, having seen and been exposed to their father’s lies and actions (and which I would have spared them, had I been in a position of choice), that actually has been helpful to them in ways that maybe aren’t measurable.

But yeah, I am exhausted and frustrated. The smartest choice seems to commit some crimes, because the progress I make “doing the right thing”isn’t enough. I’d have more “rights” and resources if I got caught, and benefits if I didn’t. I’m just saying that as observation … because I also learned that about a month after I was evicted, ex-mother-in-law was trotted into an attorneys to create a trust for her property, etc … and then into nursing home. I ran into someone who knows her pretty well, who was telling me about some pretty clear signs of dementia that had been going on at least a year prior. Which would make a trust creation invalid, but only if “caught” by authorities. And not much chance of that …

Anyway, I am puzzled as to why agencies that are opposed to gambling/expansion are not interested at all at the effects on family members. Are they just interested in maintaining their existence, not really addressing the problems? I know my reading revealed that less than 10% of CG get treatment; my experience reveals that most “professionals” and “authorities” don’t have a clue. Plus, I have found news stories (including legal blogs) about gamblers who have sued casinos on the theory that they were impaired or had a self-exclusion, etc (they never win). Basically, what I have “learned” is that even (hah, especially) casinos CAN’T identify “CG” though they seem to pretty good about spotting those who they can get lots of money from. Another thing I am learning is that they throw money to the agencies that otherwise might be looking into it (gambling) as the CAUSE of the problems that they are designed to alleviate. Like here, the casino is giving money to the Boys and Girls club and other (similar) social agencies. The state domestic violence agency gets donations from the casinos (and it is well -and peer reviewed – researched that CG contributes to family discord/breakdown/violence) and the CASA (Court appointed special advocate; for children) did a fundraiser “A Night at the Casino”. It is stuff like that that gets my blood boiling; the court VERY mistakenly awarded custody of my daughters TO the CG; there seems to be no mechanism to enlighten them either, as to their “error” to prevent it happening to others. That’s a bit of a rant …. but yeah, a problem can’t be solved if it is actively ignored and played down, in other words, it doesn’t exist. The Congresswoman for my district, through her aide, informed me that “ALL THIS” is MY “legal problem”. NO, it is not! Knowledge is supposed to be power … but in this situation, all the knowledge I’ve gained has merely helped me to understand how and why things went down the way they did. Knowledge has not informed me how to move forward more effectively or even cope with what is, in actuality, a load of TOTALLY PREVENTABLE problems dumped into what used to be a life … mine.