Things with us have been going stable and somewhat up & down, but since a few days my husband is not taking any medication anymore (he ran out & decided he wants to stop taking pills for his ADHD) – and I can see Dr.Jekyll/Mr.Hyde behavior again. Tirades followed by apologies & excuses (“it’s not me, I can’t take responsibility for my actions: it’s because of the withdrawal”) are exhausting me.
Last night he got really angry because I had not cleared out our dish washer and I had asked him to clean up after dinner. I guess it’s all just too much for him or something, but he made me feel bad. Especially since I do have the feeling I am ‘working really hard’ trying to be the best mom I can be.
He also cleared away all of our appliances we have in the windowsill, and there was dust & a few dead flies/mosquitos underneath. He pointed at it and said that I am such a bad housewife and can’t keep things clean.
Then, in the middle of the night our son of almost 2 years old woke up upset, and I did not hear him at first because I was just so tired and fast asleep. My husband is always loving to our kids – went over and comforted him. But then he came back to snap at me (and wake me up!) ‘how could you just sleep through his cries!’
I feel mentally strong, still, but also beaten up.
He is in touch with a psychiatrist & psychologist a lot today (seems like the world is evolving around HIM today) and I am rolling with the punches.
On one hand I feel sorry, he is obviously depressed and struggling – on the other hand it’s maddening. He should take responsibility!
I asked him, “can you not have your withdrawal out of the house, go somewhere else?” He refuses to leave. I am trying to take things easy and ignore his moodswings. But it’s hard.
Luckily our two wonderful children give so much affection and expect the same from me: that gives me strength!
Love from a strong & determined to stay calm and positive: Berber.
p.s. any solutions on getting him out of the house so I can have some rest? Leaving myself is not really an option at the mo