You post under an interesting name. We are all down about our gambling – I don’t think you will find anyone on here who does not feel regret at how much money (and time) they have lost. But I get a sense that there is more than that going on for you.
I gambled – partly for the (rare) thrill of winning – but I think more because it blocked out all the other problems in my life and the feelings that they generated. I found these problems painful and overwhelming.
What I had to do was to talk about them to someone. I too tried gamblers anonymous and by keeping up the attendance found some benefit, but the main way I got support was through counseling. I don’t know if free counseling is an option where you are (in the US?) but it may be worth investigating with your medic. Otherwise there may be other options such as charities etc. There is something called co-counseling which is available in some parts of the US. Here you learn some counseling skills and work with others who have done the same. There may be a payment for the learning – but once you have done this you have free counseling for life.
If counseling isn’t an option for you – can you open up to someone close to you? Certainly in the early days – it would be good to have someone else handle your finances – but also be someone who can listen to what you need to vent.
I hope some of this helps. Please keep posting and maybe join one of the support groups here – dates and times are posted under the heading above. I wish you well.