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Emotional unsoberness exists when what I believe and feel about myself is inconsistent, with what is obviously true about me.

My beliefs and feelings about me don’t match the facts about me.

When I’m emotionally unsober, even though the facts clearly show I’m a good person, I can’t seem to believe I am. Nor do I feel good about myself.

When I’m emotionally unsober, the input of others almost totally determines what I believe and how I feel about me.

I looked to others to give me a good feeling and give me self-esteem feeling of self worth and belonging.

In short, and this is how crazy it is: I depend on others to tell me how to feel about me.

You don’t have to be a recovering addict in recovery to be emotionally sober or unsober.

Question: yes or no:

1. Do you accept criticism well?

2. Are you usually hurt or angered by criticism?

3. Do you have a difficult time accepting compliments?

4. Do others think more highly of you than you do of yourself?

5. Do you depend on others to make you feel good about yourself?

6. Does what other say about you unduly influence your feelings and beliefs about yourself?

7. Do you often do a good job and know it, but don’t feel good about it?

8. Do you often feel like a loser – even though you know you’re a good person?

9. Do you often put yourself down?

10. Looking honestly at your life, do you treat yourself very well?

11. Do you treat other better than you treat yourself?

12. Do you do nice things for others in order to get attention or compliments?

13. When you express love for someone are you hurt when he or she doesn’t respond in kind?

14. Do you often feel afraid, even though you know everything’s okay?

15. Do you often feel you’re not enough?

16. Do you often feel you’re falling short of what you should be and what you should do?

17. Does it bother you a great deal when you know that someone dislikes or disapproves of you?

18. Do you often refrain from doing or saying what you know you should for fear of how other may react to it?

19. Do your feelings depend on how your significant other is treating you? 

20. Do you feel you’re a good person no matter what others may think?

How’d you do?

If you answered several of these questions in the affirmative, you’re probably emotionally unsober to some degree.

Although emotional unsoberness is not confined to those in recovery, it’s especially important to them, because it is the stage in recovery through which those in recovery will invariably pass.