Still gamble free since 2/17/15. 9 months, that’s pretty good I guess. But I am now worried about my marijuana and alcohol use. I stopped those for 2/and 3 months respectively and then went on using them again, moderately at first and then more heavily. Time to shut them down again. I am at home from work today due to overdrinking last night. I feel sick. I feel weak. I feel guilty. I also feel scared because I know the lack of sleep I am about to face when I stop drinking/smoking again. It is a fight, and I just feel too weary to fight it, so I have just gone on drinking and smoking. Today is day one for smoking and drinking! I know intellectually I will be so much happier with them out of my life. Why do I let them control me and keep me weak? I need to have the self confidence to realize that I don’t need them! Now it is time to relax, stay focused on the moment right in front of me, and believe I can do this.
