So Its now almost half way through Saturday, after not having any sleep harldy at all Thursday night due to being disturbed by the earth tremors and shaking banging house, I was so tired last night fell asleep reasonably early for me, only to wake up at about three am with tremendous gambling urges and full of fear, so I have no idea what I must have been dreaming about, its like this gambling monster can even get to me while I am asleep is there no peace even in sleep!
I did eventually get back to sleep but even though I have felt a lot lighter in spirit over the last few days that kind of left me with that horrible feeling of bottom of the pile in life. I am wondering if the gambling urges appeared during sleep due to my pay reaching my bank account yesterday, if this is the case which I think it probably is actually, how devious and crafty it is thank the good Lord for helping me make the choice to ensure no access, I can’t be robbed anymore by my gambling demon.
It is so sad for me to realise its still there waiting in the wings to get back in, through sleep anyway it can, I need keep my no access rule, for now that’s the only way for me. I need to stay safe last night I felt so unsafe so full of fear and anxiety but it will be ok we keep you out, you are blocked, I will pay my bills, we will eat we will survive, I will not gamble, I can’t gamble, I don’t want to gamble leave me alone.