Hi Bonobo1, you are experiencing the guilt,remorse, regret stage of gambling, the aftermath of the gambling hangover.
It is money that was wasted and lost that cannot be recovered even though you’ve paid it back. Don’t beat yourself up, it is counterproductive as that sad, weird feeling will only lead you to the next stage of the gambling cycle – going back to chase your losses to win it all back.
I don’t know if you have faith but I prayed to God and confessed what I did and asked for forgiveness and asked God to make me a new person and shake off this guilt and remorseful feeling because when He forgives, He forgets and loves you and does what’s best for you, so why should you still carry that guilt ? It changed me and I lost that feeling and trying to beat myself up because of it. I felt loved and happy as if I never did it. Try that, cos God cares and loves you and wants you to be happy.
Have you thought about self-excluding ? You need to put barriers in place and take steps to be serious about your recovery, think about it. When the time is right for you, you should. It’s a journey we’re on but unfortunately as CG’s we will never win cos we play till it’s all gone, win or no win, we don’t cash out. It’s all an illusion, a hoax which we believe will be different this time. We’re only fooling ourselves and will continue to lose so much money to gambling and we get caught up in the cycle again.
Taking action will also get our heads right to focus on enjoying life and doing the right thing to stop gambling.
Watch this video kPat mentioned in her journal. It’s so apt and true and will bring a smile to your face. It’s not long. “Stop It” Skit by Bob Newhart. https://vimeo.com/97370236.
Have a great gamble free day !