Neecy
Thank you for your comment on my thread. We are all at different stages in our recovery and everyone here has picked me off the ground more than once when it seemed like an impossibility at times. I do not see myself as being out of the woods, rather more like at a different stage.
The bar at Christmas is set so high that if we buy into all of the hype around it then disappointment is bound to set in, if we put all that into a melting pot with the impact of the addiction to gamble on our lives along with a relaitionship break up then it is little wonder that we can come down so low and perfectly understandable.
I see you have taken some steps to do some nice things for you with I hasten to add, people that will not abuse you and will treat you as you should be treated.
Distance from this addiction will allow you to see what the impact has really been. Possibly like me you too became so focused on the happiness of another and the recovery of another that your eye has been ‘off the ball’ in other departments, one of mine was my children, another was my job, another was myself. These were the things that were within me to do something about. When I eventually mustered up the strength.
I started just as you are, one foot in front of the other and day by day. One little piece at a time. It does get easier, when it gets better is difficult to know until that time comes – and it will Neecy.
I decided that the addiction to gamble has no part in my life any more but faced with numerous fibs regarding recovery I found it difficult to know when to slam the door in its face or if I would be slamming it in the face of a new recovery. Now I think its just best for me to keep it shut because I accept that I can never really know the answer any more.
So today is my Dads birthday so we are all going there later on and the dreaded G word will not be mentioned there or thought about. Before that I will walk my lazy dogs and my lazy self and I might even take my curlers out before I do to prevent anyone reporting me from having escaped from somewhere.
I suggest you do something today which makes you feel better even if it is a strain, doing ‘it’ whatever ‘it’ turns out to be is like having two fingers up to this addiction Neecy. You have the capacity to recover within you, its all there.
Alternatively I could sit here thinking about what could have been, what might have been, if this, if that, what’s he doing now, is he seeking recovery, will I have missed out, for me doing all of that will achieve nothing except to make me miserable and completely spoil my day, as it will yours.
Today you can choose Neecy, no one is saying you have to be running around dressed in tinsle and wearing bells and whistles and not shed a tear, but you can make it a better day than it has been so far by taking control of what you do next.
Jenny x